Monday, December 30, 2013

Codi Chasse -  Dec 27, 2013

Codi, you god damned shit head,

Christmas day your aunt Andrea and her husband Paul,  (who you have never met) your uncle Ed and his wife Geri,  your uncle Joe (who drove up all the way from the coast) and myself gathered with your grandmother Melba in the nursing home where she lives now to celebrate Christmas and family.  During that visit with your grandmother, in her wheel chair, she asked me if I had heard anything from you.  I felt bad for her, and the more I thought about it the angrier I became.

But let’s talk a moment about what it is that has made you angry with your father.  My realization is that you aren’t really angry with me, but anger is how you deal with an issue you are either unwilling, or unable to work out yet.  If you keep the issue at bay, you don’t have to actually confront it.  And yes, it truly is your issue.  It started during your last summer here.  I spoke with your then counselor and he informed me that the issue was that among other minor things, you felt I wasn’t treating you like the grown up you felt you were. (at the age of 15) I said to him that these were issues that were not so terribly uncommon and that if I were still your full time dad they would have been resolved in a matter of days. Or at least, the process would have begun just as in most any other family.  He completely agreed with me.  When did the issue begin for me?  That Christmas when I called and called you but nobody was ever home and with every call I left a message asking for return call, which never came.   After calling 2 or 3 times a day for most of a week, the evening of Christmas day I called one more time and no one answered.  I left a message stating that I was done playing this game and drew a line in the sand stating that when you wanted to talk with your dad, you knew how to reach me.  That was December 25th, 2005.  At that time I imagined a week or two for things to settle down. I had no idea it would become this.

OK, so why did I become angry on Christmas afternoon, 2013?  It’s this.   I realize you have issues with your dad, and though I have no real power to do anything about that, I have to wonder what the rest of this family ever did to you to deserve this treatment from you.  You never had very much contact with your uncle Ed or Joe, so that’s understandable, but what about your aunt Andrea?  She’s been very good to you.  And of course, what about your grandmother Melba?  Doesn’t she deserve a Christmas card, or a note from her grandson once in a while just to touch bases?   This is what pissed me off.  Somehow or other you have learned to become a selfish, self-centered little prick that only thinks about his own needs. (and perhaps occasionally that of his mother and her family)

Look Codi, you’re 24 years old now.  It’s time you got your head out and grow the fuck up!  It’s time to cut the umbilical and stop letting your mother mess with your head and start to deal with your personal issues without your mom telling you that you don’t have too.  I have heard it said through the grapevine that I blamed your mother for everything.  First of all, that’s simply wrong.  However second and way more important, how could anybody on your side of the mountain know this?  Nobody and I mean nobody has ever asked me, so how could anyone know this to be true except that some, for reasons of their own, need for me to be the bad guy? 

I expect you to do what you think you have to do Codi, I’m not here to question that except for the question I have posed.  If you’re angry with your dad, why take it out on everybody?  Please, your Grandmother is 89 years old and stuck in bed 24/7.  She deserves to hear something from her only living grandson!  Grow some balls and get it done, before she’s dead!

FYI, not a day goes by that I don’t think about you. Nobody ever said being a dad would be easy. However, from the moment you were born I have always enjoyed being your dad.

Just one more thing. What is your last name Codi?   Yep, same as mine!